Witty Witness

Trust me when I tell you, he's as chill as a sloth in a hammock. Since law school, I've been drawn to the cool smooth sound of Scott Miller. Scott is a singer/songwriter from Virginia but more accurately, he is a magician with words and lyrics. If you've never heard his music, do so. Sometimes referred to as "country-alternative" or "folksy music," I don't think that quite fits, but I can't more accurately describe it. Whatever it is, its great. Being a big fan, I was ecstatic when Amber told me she bought tickets to see Scott at the Bijou Theater on January 26th. I immediately planned it all out in my head. We would have a relaxing Saturday, then dinner and drinks downtown, then the concert. Then....life happened. Two kids basketball games, dance class for our middle daughter, and a unexpected doctor's visit for our younger daughter. Our oldest finished the day with three three pointers, our youngest with a fever of 102.1. With childre...

As a bachelor that lives alone, my dad is the regular recipient of our family's leftovers. Tonight's after dinner drop off was Wasabi's. The food was delicious, but as usual, it was served in portions impossible for consumption in one sitting. "Dad, are you home? We are swinging by with leftovers," was the text I sent as we pulled out of the restaurant parking lot. Dad assured me he would be home, so with two boxes of rice in my lap, Amber drove our van toward dad's house. The headlights of our van caused light to flood the dim lit living room of dad's house. I could see him rise from his comfortable reclined position and make his way to the door. We met in the middle of the drive way. As I handed him the boxes of food, he handed me an envelope. I could tell his mood was somber. "Hey dad. How was your day?" Through tears he managed a heart felt, "I love you," and he turned to walk back inside. My dad has never been one to hide his...

If suits could talk, mine would say, "it's time to lose some weight." What better time of the year than New Years to commit to getting healthier and losing some weight. If you are like me, the "holidays" (liberally construed in my house as Halloween through New Years Day) can be quite difficult if you are trying to lead a healthy lifestyle. Too much food and too much drink, make the last quarter of the year a battle with the belt. So, when co-workers mentioned a fitness/weight loss challenge at work just after the New Year, naturally I was all in. I desperately needed to refocus my attention on eating less and exercising more. Stepping on the scale at the office for the Day: 1 weigh in, I knew the number would be ugly, but not even my middle school mullet photos were as scary as staring down at the digital...269.4. Yeah, the scale threw in the extra .4 just for good measure, in case any ounce of pride or self respect remained. I'd like to tell you it ...

December is the prime time for toy shopping. It's no surprise electronic devices are on the "Top 100 Toy List" once again this year. For children growing up in the 60's, 70's, and 80's, the "Etch a Sketch" was the closest thing to a tablet we could get our hands on. The bright red frame with two large white knobs at the bottom of each corner, is an immediately recognizable and iconic image. The design is brilliant in it's simplicity. If you've lived in a cave your entire life, Etch a Sketch is a mechanical drawing device for kids. Twisting the two knobs on each corner, caused a stylus on the inside of the toy to displace aluminum powder on the light grey screen, which in turn caused lines to form. Because one knob made the stylus move vertically and the other knob made the stylus move horizontally, creating diagonal lined works of art, was nearly impossible. Sitting alone in the floor as a kid, I was barely able to scratch out my name, ...

You better watch out, you better not cry Better not pout, I'm telling you why Santa Claus is comin' to town He's making a list and checking it twice Gonna find out who's naughty and nice Santa Claus is comin' to town He sees you when you're sleepin' He knows when you're a wake He knows if you've been bad or good So be good for goodness sake Even if I were to estimate conservatively, I'd say I've heard the song above over 1,000 in my life time. As a grown man now, with kids of my own, the words and the melody of the song take me back to my childhood. Lying in my bed each night leading up to Christmas, I envisioned all the presents stacked around the tree just for me. I was an only child for 9 years, so for nearly a decade, I was the only recipient of gifts at my house on Christmas morning. Then my younger siblings came along and ruined my one man band. My Christmas loot was divided in 4ths. Bah humbug.  Being the devious little m...

As I pulled into the crowded Kroger parking lot, I took my place in the long line of cars that were gridlocked near the front entrance. "I knew I should have taken the side entrance," I complained to myself. From my vantage point, I could see the gas pumps on the other side of the parking lot, I just couldn't quite get there. With each moment that passed, my gas gauge inched closer to empty. "Why did you wait so long to get gas? Are you some kind of mad man?" The Kroger fuel pumps seemed like a desert oasis off in the distance. "I'm an idiot. Why didn't I just take the side entrance?" A sea of red brake lights lit up the dim parking lot on the cold overcast day. This time of year, even lunch time feels like dusk. The hot exhaust from the cars meeting the frigid winter air, sent out clouds of heavy grey smoke. Then suddenly the sound of car horns could be heard over my XM Christmas music....

My wife and I went on our first date in January of 1996. Culture sure has changed a lot since my mom drove us to see Grumpier Old Men at the Grove Theater in Oak Ridge. Nervous and armed with only a learners permit, mom was the necessary but appreciated third wheel. Culture sure has changed since then, indeed. Perhaps in some ways our culture has changed for the better, and arguably in countless ways it's changed for the worse. One thing I am personally glad to see an end to...Glamour Shots. Amber, like a lot of girls at the time, rushed to the franchise store to be transformed and to have her photo taken. When Amber showed me the photos from a Glamour Shots shoot taken on her birthday a few years prior to our first date, I remember thinking how over the top the wardrobes were, but how grown up and beautiful she looked. Sporting big hair, makeup, and a denim studded jacket she tugged on at the collar, she looked like an 80's movie star. Glamour Shots opened its first sto...