But I'm Afraid
"But I'm afraid," I squeaked meekly from my bed as my mom turned off the light to my room and slowly closed my bedroom door. Hearing my pitiful plea, she stopped mid shut and opened the door again. Standing in the doorway and peeking her head around my half opened bedroom door, she turned on the light again, and glanced toward my bed with a loving smile of aggravation. As a parent myself now, I can totally relate to that frustrating scene and accompanying dialogue at bedtime. Selfishly all parents really want is just 1-2 kid free hours in the evening, before they put themselves to bed and hit repeat on another day when the alarms rings early next morning.
So like she had done numerous nights before, mom stepped back into my room for "put Adam to bed, take 2," and she opened the top drawer of my dresser. Reaching in the back of the drawer, she pulled out the familiar spray can. In my memory, I can still see the graphic of a monster on the outside of the can. Somewhere a few months before, I had noticed the "Monster be gone" room spray at a store and just knew it was the answer to all of my nighttime fears. To a kid, a dark bedroom is a pretty scary place. You lie there and envision all of the scary and horrible things that could happen. The "Monster be gone" was no doubt some form of compressed air and water, but it was more than that to me as a kid, it was a calming peace dispenser, which spread a blanket of comfort throughout my room.
Recently I went with a group of men to an overnight "affirmation retreat." The point of the retreat was to take a night to get away, just as a group of guys, and affirm one another with words of truth and love. This particular group of men and I have been walking through life together pretty intensely for the last two years.* We meet at least weekly and we have no plans to stop anytime soon. So, before the retreat, we were asked to complete an exercise where we give thought to three positive characteristics and qualities of each of the other men. Situations where we caught the other men "doing something right." For example, I told one of the other men, that he was "bold" to discuss his faith with others, I told another that he was "committed" for all of the awesome things I know he is doing as a husband and a father. It's amazing how powerful those words can be and its amazing how badly we as grown men still desperately need to hear them. My grandfather use to say, "Everyone needs "atta boys,"" and he was right. The older I get, the more I realize how right he was.
Without revealing confidences and names, this particular group of men I'm talking about, are all 30-50 years old, and very accomplished men. They are attorneys, executives, business owners, bright minds in technology, and respected sales people. The way they carry themselves, their career accomplishments, and their resumes would absolutely blow you away. Prior to "affirming" each man, we took some time to discuss our week and what was really going on in our lives. Do you want to know the one theme, the one word, that came up time and time again, as each and every one of these amazing and impressive men spoke about their lives...FEAR! Notice I said every one, because I said it too. I'm afraid. There, now you all know as well.
Truth be told, I live my life scared to death. I spend most of my days afraid. The only difference in 8 year old Adam and 37 year old Adam, is I now know the spray can is condensed air and water, and a waste of $4. So, instead I worry, and I fear. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of being an imposter. I'm afraid of not being liked. I'm afraid I'm going to embarrass myself in front of others. I'm afraid of not being good enough. I'm afraid of losing my job. I'm afraid of losing my family. I'm afraid my life has little significance outside of the walls of my own home. I'm afraid I'm somehow missing the will of God and the plan He truly has for my life. I'm afraid.
Knowing the "Monster be gone" is essentially snake oil, where do we turn as men? We can't confide completely in our wives, that's embarrassing, it's stressful, it's humiliating, it causes us to be too vulnerable. So scratch that. We are men after all, we can figure it out. Look at how strong, courageous, and bold we are. We aren't afraid...What a lie.
Step one of fixing almost any problem or issue is, admitting there is a problem or an issue. Men need to admit they are afraid. To a man, a dark world is a pretty scary place. We envision all of the scary and horrible things that could happen. We as men need to desperately seek and find our loving Father in His word, and our loving brothers in this world. A guy in our group has a word for constant and unfounded fear..."head garbage." Fear isn't truth, fear is a liar.
As I've confessed above, I'm a fear filled work in progress. However, my Heavenly Father and my brothers in our group, are convincing me that I truly have nothing to fear, that men, have nothing to fear. The truth of the matter is, if we fear everything around us, we do not trust the One who put it all there. The devil and doubt have placed a noxious seed of fear in our minds which chokes out peace and truth, that much more appropriately need to take root and grow there.
So men, do as I say, and not as I do, DO NOT WORRY. DO NOT FEAR. I've heard it said that "Do not fear" is listed in the bible a total of 365 times. I honestly haven't counted, and quite a few other sources say it's not quite that many. Suffice it to say, do not fear is mentioned, in one form or another, quite a lot. See just a few examples from scripture below.**
God wonderfully made us with nothing to fear, yet He knew we would fear any way, hence why we are reminded so many times not to do so. God is the calming dispenser, which spreads a blanket of comfort throughout our lives. So let's stop lying to ourselves and to others, let's actually be the strong, courageous, and bold men we pretend to be, and never again say, "But I'm afraid."
Much Love, Adam.
*If you are a man and you want to learn more about the particular group/the life changing curriculum I am in...Call me, Text me, Email me, Send a smoke signal if you have to. If you are a lady who loves a man who needs to learn more about the particular group/the life changing curriculum I am in...Call me, Text me, Email me, Send a smoke signal if you have to.
**“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”Psalm 56:3
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” John 14:27
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19
“But now, this is what the Lord says…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Proverbs 12:25
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time. Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
“Tell everyone who is discouraged, Be strong and don’t be afraid! God is coming to your rescue…” Isaiah 35:4
“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:22-26
“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22
“Immediately he spoke to them and said, 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'” Mark 6:50
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“'For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, for I myself will help you,' declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 41:13-14
“God is our refuge and strength ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper.” Psalm 118:6-7
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25
“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:39-40
“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” Psalm 34:7
“But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats.” 1 Peter 3:14
“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.” Deuteronomy 3:22
“Then he placed his right hand on me and said: 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.'” Revelation 1:17
“Jesus told him, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’” Mark 5:36
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8"38-29
“The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.” Zephaniah 3:17
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”…He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” Psalm 91:1-16
So like she had done numerous nights before, mom stepped back into my room for "put Adam to bed, take 2," and she opened the top drawer of my dresser. Reaching in the back of the drawer, she pulled out the familiar spray can. In my memory, I can still see the graphic of a monster on the outside of the can. Somewhere a few months before, I had noticed the "Monster be gone" room spray at a store and just knew it was the answer to all of my nighttime fears. To a kid, a dark bedroom is a pretty scary place. You lie there and envision all of the scary and horrible things that could happen. The "Monster be gone" was no doubt some form of compressed air and water, but it was more than that to me as a kid, it was a calming peace dispenser, which spread a blanket of comfort throughout my room.
Recently I went with a group of men to an overnight "affirmation retreat." The point of the retreat was to take a night to get away, just as a group of guys, and affirm one another with words of truth and love. This particular group of men and I have been walking through life together pretty intensely for the last two years.* We meet at least weekly and we have no plans to stop anytime soon. So, before the retreat, we were asked to complete an exercise where we give thought to three positive characteristics and qualities of each of the other men. Situations where we caught the other men "doing something right." For example, I told one of the other men, that he was "bold" to discuss his faith with others, I told another that he was "committed" for all of the awesome things I know he is doing as a husband and a father. It's amazing how powerful those words can be and its amazing how badly we as grown men still desperately need to hear them. My grandfather use to say, "Everyone needs "atta boys,"" and he was right. The older I get, the more I realize how right he was.
Without revealing confidences and names, this particular group of men I'm talking about, are all 30-50 years old, and very accomplished men. They are attorneys, executives, business owners, bright minds in technology, and respected sales people. The way they carry themselves, their career accomplishments, and their resumes would absolutely blow you away. Prior to "affirming" each man, we took some time to discuss our week and what was really going on in our lives. Do you want to know the one theme, the one word, that came up time and time again, as each and every one of these amazing and impressive men spoke about their lives...FEAR! Notice I said every one, because I said it too. I'm afraid. There, now you all know as well.
Truth be told, I live my life scared to death. I spend most of my days afraid. The only difference in 8 year old Adam and 37 year old Adam, is I now know the spray can is condensed air and water, and a waste of $4. So, instead I worry, and I fear. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of being an imposter. I'm afraid of not being liked. I'm afraid I'm going to embarrass myself in front of others. I'm afraid of not being good enough. I'm afraid of losing my job. I'm afraid of losing my family. I'm afraid my life has little significance outside of the walls of my own home. I'm afraid I'm somehow missing the will of God and the plan He truly has for my life. I'm afraid.
Knowing the "Monster be gone" is essentially snake oil, where do we turn as men? We can't confide completely in our wives, that's embarrassing, it's stressful, it's humiliating, it causes us to be too vulnerable. So scratch that. We are men after all, we can figure it out. Look at how strong, courageous, and bold we are. We aren't afraid...What a lie.
Step one of fixing almost any problem or issue is, admitting there is a problem or an issue. Men need to admit they are afraid. To a man, a dark world is a pretty scary place. We envision all of the scary and horrible things that could happen. We as men need to desperately seek and find our loving Father in His word, and our loving brothers in this world. A guy in our group has a word for constant and unfounded fear..."head garbage." Fear isn't truth, fear is a liar.
As I've confessed above, I'm a fear filled work in progress. However, my Heavenly Father and my brothers in our group, are convincing me that I truly have nothing to fear, that men, have nothing to fear. The truth of the matter is, if we fear everything around us, we do not trust the One who put it all there. The devil and doubt have placed a noxious seed of fear in our minds which chokes out peace and truth, that much more appropriately need to take root and grow there.
So men, do as I say, and not as I do, DO NOT WORRY. DO NOT FEAR. I've heard it said that "Do not fear" is listed in the bible a total of 365 times. I honestly haven't counted, and quite a few other sources say it's not quite that many. Suffice it to say, do not fear is mentioned, in one form or another, quite a lot. See just a few examples from scripture below.**
God wonderfully made us with nothing to fear, yet He knew we would fear any way, hence why we are reminded so many times not to do so. God is the calming dispenser, which spreads a blanket of comfort throughout our lives. So let's stop lying to ourselves and to others, let's actually be the strong, courageous, and bold men we pretend to be, and never again say, "But I'm afraid."
Much Love, Adam.
*If you are a man and you want to learn more about the particular group/the life changing curriculum I am in...Call me, Text me, Email me, Send a smoke signal if you have to. If you are a lady who loves a man who needs to learn more about the particular group/the life changing curriculum I am in...Call me, Text me, Email me, Send a smoke signal if you have to.
**“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”Psalm 56:3
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” John 14:27
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19
“But now, this is what the Lord says…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Proverbs 12:25
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time. Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
“Tell everyone who is discouraged, Be strong and don’t be afraid! God is coming to your rescue…” Isaiah 35:4
“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:22-26
“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22
“Immediately he spoke to them and said, 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'” Mark 6:50
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“'For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, for I myself will help you,' declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 41:13-14
“God is our refuge and strength ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper.” Psalm 118:6-7
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25
“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:39-40
“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” Psalm 34:7
“But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats.” 1 Peter 3:14
“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.” Deuteronomy 3:22
“Then he placed his right hand on me and said: 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.'” Revelation 1:17
“Jesus told him, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’” Mark 5:36
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8"38-29
“The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.” Zephaniah 3:17
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”…He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” Psalm 91:1-16
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