Love Them Anyway

I have a confession, I love gangster movies. Some of my all time favorites are produced by Martin Scorsese. Perhaps it is an unhealthy and inappropriate fascination with this particular genre, but there is something very appealing about the way in which the characters in these films handle themselves...and others for that matter. It's a how should we say, "no nonsense" kind of approach to life. These guys don't get pushed around or stepped on. Respect is a big deal to them and it's a central theme throughout the movies. In a tough world, these guys are the toughest.


I think Gangster movies resonate with many people because we all have to take "stuff" in our lives. Swallowing your pride is often more difficult than the unprepared amateur contestant in a Nathan's hot dog eating contest. In life, we get pushed around, made fun of, talked about, taken advantage of, and we want our revenge. I mentally choked at least 5 people this week alone. The list of perceived "wrongs" in my head is longer than a receipt from CVS, and the amount of disrespect I deal with, piles up taller than my kids laundry.


The easy thing to do when angry, is to respond. If you are like me, you've fired off an email or written a "MWM," a "message while mad." The immediate satisfaction and release of frustration and anger inevitably ends with regret and shame. To be a tough guy means to show the other guy who's boss, right? No, not in the real world, only in the movies. I want to teach my kids that it is far weaker to swing in anger than resisting the urge to do so. It's hard to go through life with balled up fists anyway.

As a kid, I had a temper. I lacked self control. My fuse was shorter than a bootleg firework. If something upset me, I would share my frustration. If another guy embarrassed me or challenged me (especially if girls were around), I would fight. I never recall getting into a fight at school or on a playground and thinking back on the incident later with gladness that a disagreement ended in a physical altercation.

I love the movie, "A Bronx Tale," which is Robert De Niro's directorial debut. It is eerily similar to a Scorsese flick. In the movie, Robert De Niro's character's name is Lorenzo and he is trying to raise his son, Calogero, in a tough neighbor ran and controlled by gangsters. De Niro's character is an upstanding law abiding bus driver who worked hard and did things the right way. When his son begins to take notice and look up to the gangsters in the neighborhood, there is a great exchange with father and son, where "Lorenzo" pleads with his son, "Calogero" saying, "He's wrong, it don't take much strength to pull a trigger, but try getting up every morning day after day and work for a living, let's see him try that, then we'll see who the real tough guy is, the working man is the tough guy, your father's the tough guy!"

It's easy to love those that love us, isn't it? It's easy to show grace and kindness when we receive those things in return. We aren't given permission to hate though. We aren't given a free pass to exact revenge. In 1 Corinthians 16:14 we are instructed, "Let all that you do be done in love." In Proverbs 20:22, we are told "Do not say, "I will repay evil," Wait for the Lord, and He will save you." 

To make sure the message is crystal clear, Jesus taught in Matthew 5:43-48 about "love for enemies."

Jesus says, "You have heard it was said, "love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." 

Similarly, in Luke 6:27-36 we again hear from Jesus regarding "love for enemies."

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

This past week, I was hurt and angered by someone I care about a great deal. I resisted the urge in the moment to respond, which was a small victory, but reading the above commands, admittedly I find it difficult to love that person today, to pray for that person right now, to turn the other cheek and allow them to "win" again. It's not easy, but it's what we are told to do. So, let's resist the Scorsese response, let's do as we are told, and let's love them anyway.

Much love, Adam.