I still do

MY WIFE:
13 years ago today, I married my best friend. When I was asked by the minister if I would take Amber to be my wife, I gladly answered, "I do." That July day in 2005 was a happy day indeed. Today, 3 kids and lots of calendar flips later, I still do. The marriage ceremony for me was an outward expression of an inner realization. I knew without a doubt, I wanted to be with Amber every day for the rest of my life. I knew my life would be meaningless without her in it. 

The wedding ceremony and reception were awesome. The honeymoon was great. But then we came home. Then marriage became real. Amber had recently finished college, and she was working as a bank teller. I was headed back to Virginia for my final year of law school. Our first year of marriage was spent visiting each other on weekends. When I graduated law school, I came home for good, but I brought crushing student loan debt home with me.

I'll never forget one of our first fights as a married couple. It was over cheese. That's not a typo. We got into a fight over cheese. We were broke and we took an inventory of the refrigerator prior to our weekly grocery run, to assure we purchased only the essentials at the store. When we came home and I realized Amber had purchased a value sized pack of sliced cheese, despite plenty of sliced cheese neatly tucked in the "cheese drawer" of our refrigerator, it was too much for me to handle.

What was she trying to do, ruin my life!?! Who buys a value pack of cheese anyway!?! Was she in some sick conspiracy with Kraft to drive me crazy, or better yet, drive me into bankruptcy??? So, I responded as any loving, calm, rational husband would, I threatened to throw the refrigerator into the living room. Again, not a typo. I threatened to throw our 500 pound refrigerator from the kitchen into the living room. Not wanting me to have the last word, or to miss such a feat of human strength, Amber lovingly responded, "Well pick it up and throw it, big guy!"

Needless to say, I didn't throw the refrigerator. Needless to say that wasn't the greatest moment in our marriage. After that afternoon, we've had plenty of tough days, hard days, days it would have been easier to quit and walk away. But each day we woke up, without verbalizing it to the other, perhaps without even realizing it ourselves, we told each other, "I still do." Sure we still argue and we go to bed angry sometimes. Sure we ocassionally sit on the couch in silence. Sure we can sometimes say things that hurts the other.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shatter your rosy perception of us. Maybe those admissions come as a surprise to you? You think because we are "high school sweethearts" and we post lots of happy pictures and memories on Facebook, that our marriage is perfect? Well, sorry to disappoint, it's not. But guess what? If asked, if given the chance to answer the same question that was posed to me all those years ago, if I take Amber to be my wife..."I still do." 

MY FATHER:
27 years ago this summer, I was baptized. When asked by the minister if I would accept Jesus into my heart, I gladly answered "I do." That August day in 1991 was a happy day indeed. Today, many calendar flips later, I still do. The baptism ceremony for me was an outward expression of an inner realization. I knew without a doubt, I wanted to be with Jesus every day for the rest of my life. I knew my life would be meaningless without Him in it.

 The ceremony was great and the smiling faces of my family and friends looking on with approval from the sanctuary, was awesome. But then I grew up. Then life became real. I spoke to God occassionally, but mainly we only spent time together on weekends. I had to deal with the stress of life. I struggled with purpose and calling. I struggled with selfishness, jealously, and envy.

One of our biggest fights came when my grandfather was taken sooner than I expected or wanted. I was angry at God. Not a little bit frustrated with Him, but I felt heart wrenching anger, to the point of wanting to throw something. I didn't think He loved me. I didn't think He cared. I thought He was sitting idly by, while life punched me in the mouth repeatedly. It would have been easy to quit and walk away. But each day, without verbalizing it to anyone else, perhaps without even realizing it myself, I told God, "I still do." Sure I still have days that I'm angry. Sure some mornings during my allotted quite time I sit in silence. Sure I'm guilty of doubting, and hurting God with my lack of faith.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shatter your rosy perception of me. Maybe those admissions come as a surprise to you? You think because I profess proudly to be a person of faith and I try to post encouraging blogs that my walk/my journey is perfect? Well, sorry to disappoint, it's not. But guess what? If asked, if given the chance to answer the same question that was posed to me all those years ago, if I would accept Jesus into my heart..."I still do." 

MY THANKFULNESS:
So this morning, I give thanks. I give thanks to a wife and a Father that never give up on me. I give thanks to a wife and a Father that put their needs before my own. I give thanks to a wife and a Father that make me a better man every day. I give thanks to a wife and a Father that even though I'm far from perfect, they still accept me. I give thanks to a wife and a Father who despite all of my shortcomings, my faults, my fears, my doubts, despite all of my ugly brokenness, I have no doubt in my heart and mind, if they were asked if they love me, they would gladly answer, "I still do." 

Much Love, Adam

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I once was lost, but now I’m found

Image
Two old men were lost driving together through Kentucky. When they finally saw a sign on the side of the interstate for the approaching town, the old man driving said, “We're almost to “Lewis-ville.” The old man sitting beside him in the passenger seat said, “It’s “Louie-ville.”" They argued back and forth about the pronunciation for a few minutes before the driver suggested, “let’s take the next exit, go into town and ask a local, then we will listen to them carefully as they tell us the name of the town, and we will have our answer.” The old man in the passenger seat agreed that would be a fair resolution to their dispute. So the driver pulled off the interstate, and into the parking lot of a local store, and the two old men went inside. The driver pleaded with the worker inside, “Sir, help my friend and me, please. Tell us very slowly and very clearly, where are we right this minute?" The worker leans forward over the counter and tells the two older gentleman, “Bur-G
Read more

My Favorite Floaties

Image
"I'm drowning, Amber. I can't do it. I can't keep my head above water." My voice cracked and I tried not to cry on the phone. How humiliating would that be? A grown man breaking down like a child talking to his fiancé. I was nearing the end of my first semester of law school. I was living alone in a small one bedroom apartment, and my closest family member lived four hours, and one state away. I didn't attend the most prestigious law school in the country, not even by a long shot, which made my struggles with the curriculum all the more frustrating. To give myself some credit, it wasn't really the curriculum, as much as the volume of the curriculum. The reading assignments never let up. Never. In undergrad, I could "buckle down," read ahead a little, and be just fine. In law school I felt like "Johnny 5" from the 1986 movie, "Short Circuit," and I still couldn't keep up. See the video below if you've not seen that c
Read more

The Love of a Teacher

Image
I still remember the nervous excitement as I walked into the kindergarten wing of Woodland Elementary School for the first time. We were the "mustangs" then, apparently they are the "hawks" now. Sadly, I must have missed the vote for the mascot change. At any rate, getting back to kindergarten, my socks were pulled up to my knees, and my empty backpack was strapped loosely around my shoulders. I had a fresh haircut from Ross the Boss and I sported a buck toothed smile. The same goofy smile my 9 year old son now flashes at me from time to time (Sorry about the big teeth, J.B.)  When I learned during the summer before kindergarten that my teacher's name was Ms. Thompson, I remember lying in my water bed (Don't you judge me, you had one too) and wondering what kind of teacher Ms. Thompson would be. Would she be strict? Would she be fun? Would she be kind? Would she like me? It turns out, she was a wonderful lady, who had the keen ability to ma
Read more