Men Don't Cry

I could tell from her voice that she was worried. Amber called me at work and asked that I come to the doctor’s office. After the short drive to the medical park, I took my usual seat beside the ultra sound table and looked up at the large screen on the wall. I watched and I waited to see movement. Movement would be an indication that my son, Cooper, was ok. Movement would mean we were worried for no reason. So, I waited. The technician readjusted her position on Amber’s stomach, and I waited. After a few minutes, the terrible and heartbreaking realization set in...I would never meet my son, Cooper, in this lifetime. So, I cried. That afternoon I cried, and I’ve cried many afternoons since. I have three amazing and healthy kids, and for that I’m thankful and blessed. However, my heart will always hurt and long for the son Amber and I made together, for the son we lost together. But men don’t cry.

I remember as a kid, the first few seasons of “kid pitch” baseball was like dodge ball, with a much smaller and much more painful object. Kids pitching at that age don’t hit other kids batting intentionally, they just lack control of their pitches. So, inevitably I got “beaned” in the back, the side, the legs, and the head too many times to count. So, I cried. Lots of youth baseball coaches will tell their players a couple of things after they are hit by a pitch (HBP), “Don’t rub it” and “There’s no crying in baseball.” Each thud of the baseball connecting with the body hurts. But men don’t cry. 

As a society we are serving a huge helping of injustice to young boys, and to men of any age really, to perpetuate the stupid stereotype that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Through generations, we continue to pass down the lie that “men don’t cry.” I would argue that to hold in sadness and hurt is a character flaw, not a cause for celebration. There are things in this life that absolutely should make you cry. Tears of sadness, are ok. Tears of joy, are ok. When you look for an example of what a man should be, of how a man should act, you’d find no greater example than Jesus. Let me tell you something perhaps you didn’t know about Jesus, or the Bible for that matter…the shortest verse in the Bible, is John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” But men don’t cry.

When Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, died, we learn that "Jesus wept.” Scripture suggests Jesus cried when Mary and Martha were gathered to mourn the death of their brother. Jesus didn’t cry for Lazarus because he had died. Jesus knew Lazarus' ultimate fate, which was that his death wasn’t final (read the story for yourself sometime). Jesus wept for the hurt He witnessed among those mourning. Jesus noticed their hurt and he cared about their grief. When they hurt, He hurt. You want to hear something awesome? Jesus notices and cares for you in the same way.

Also, when Jesus was taking His final trip to Jerusalem, shortly before He was tortured and ultimately crucified, Jesus wept. He wept not for Himself, but for the city of lost souls. Jesus knew rebellious Jews were going to murder their own Messiah. Knowing His Father’s inevitable wrath and judgment, Jesus' heart must have been broken. 

So, what do we learn from a Savior that cries? We know that the same Savior that wept with compassion in the Bible, is the same Savior that knows and feels your pain and sadness as well. The same wonderful and compassionate Savior is with my son, Cooper, until I can be with Him. To serve and know such a wonderful Savior, is enough to cause tears of joy, and that's ok because Men do cry.  

Much Love, Adam